Since going vegan, I’ve been confused about the use of animal names when describing non-animal foods. For instance, I enjoy eating these spicy “chicken” patty things that are totally close to the real deal even though I can’t say for certain if there was much chicken in the original version?
But how do I tell my vegan friend about my incredible discovery? I can take the political correct vegan path and say, ”Oh man, you gotta try these things. They’re golden brown, highly processed breaded bean protein hockey pucks that fit perfectly into a soy patty bun.” My real life response usually goes something like, “Oh man, you gotta try these spicy chicken patties… well not chicken… you know the fake chicken stuff… well not fake really because soy beans are real food… you know what I mean right?”
I’ve just recently (in the past 5 minutes) come to a major life-simplifying decision. I’m taking the easy road out of this quagmire. I’m no longer going to use such ridiculous terms like fake chicken, or pretend pork, or “real” food. From now on, chicken textured and flavored wheat glutton is simply going to be “vegan chicken”. Same goes for the beef, turkey, and pork substitutes. (and no smart-ass, I’m not going to call them chicken too)
Like Andrea said earlier today, “We didn’t go vegan because we stopped liking the tastes of meat dishes.” And we don’t need to feel ashamed for wanting to recreate those flavors and textures in an animal-friendly way. For those of you who read my earlier post talking about giving up all the substitute meat products…. what can I say. Well for starters, it’s damned hard to go out to eat and get a decent animal-free meal that doesn’t contain a meat alternative. I took the boys to The Yardhouse the other night and ordered the gardein “chicken” rice bowl. I tried ordering just the “gardein rice bowl”, but the server looked confused and made me say the “c” word.
But things are going to be different (and easier) from this point on. I’ve come to a fork in the vegan road and have chosen my course. If you can think of a better way to communicate effectively about the pretend/fake/un-meat products we eat, please let me know. Maybe we could all just do the double bunny fingers in the air quotes gesture, but god I hate those people 
